Father Boniface Hicks, O.S.B.

How did you become aware of your calling to the monastic life at Saint Vincent?

From atheism to baptism "There's a long answer to that question. To summarize, the Lord has brought me from atheism to baptism to monastic life and now to priesthood in about 9 years. When I came to Penn State in 1993, I was basically atheist.I was a great believer in science and in my own ability to succeed, but I didn't have any time for, interest in or knowledge of God. Through the courageous faith of a man named David, who walked up to me at random and invited me to study the Bible with him, I began my journey to knowing God. Although a staunch believer in science, that Bible study opened me up to knowing the maker of science, the Creator of the Universe. Although I was a staunch believer in myself and my ability to succeed at whatever I pursued, through prayer, I came to know the Source of my strength who could even make successes out of my failures. I came to know Jesus, who made the greatest success (the Resurrection) out of the greatest failure (the murder of God on the Cross)."

My vocation "It was the experience of coming to know Jesus in prayer that really opened me up to a vocation to priesthood and monastic life. Through Bible study, I had come to believe in Jesus and the Truth of the Bible, and I had learned to go through the motions of praying ("Dear Heavenly Father, tell Him something about my life, my struggles, my hopes. I ask this in the Name of Jesus. Amen.") The critical moment came, however, when I was studying abroad in Germany for a semester and met a real crisis in my life. For the first time, I turned to the Lord in my need, in my weakness and cried for His help. In this act of humility (perhaps the greatest one up to that time in my life), my heart was opened in a new way. Soon after that, when I was praying, I suddenly was aware of a small, still voice--a silent knowing. It had always been there, but I never recognized it before. In that moment of special grace, I knew it was God. I suddenly knew what it meant to pray and my whole life began to change. I began to turn to Him for everything, ask Him about every decision and hold up to Him every part of my life. There were some parts that really needed to change. That was very hard. The whole experience, however, was infused with a peace and joy that I had never known -it was better than I had never even hoped for. In that moment, I began to think about devoting my life to sharing this gift of prayer with everyone. I began to think about becoming a priest. I wasn't even baptized!"

"When I returned to Penn State,  I met with Fr. Fred, who was the director of the PSU Catholic community at the time. I told him my story--my desire to be baptized Catholic and my desire to become a priest. He lit up and exclaimed, "You haven't been baptized!? We're going to get you WET!" Nine months later, Fr. Fred baptized me, confirmed me and gave me Jesus for the first time in Holy Communion at the Easter Vigil at Penn State. The following weekend,he brought me to Saint Vincent for the first time as a vocation guest. I loved it. I felt at home. I also had a crisis about halfway through as it dawned on me that I was in a monastery! I begged the Lord for help, for some encouragement and He really came through. When I went down to recreation, I ended up talking for hours with one of the monks. I shared my story with him and he shared his stories with me about how wonderfully and surprisingly God has worked in his life at Saint Vincent. It was exactly what I needed."

"In the next year,  I visited other communities, including other Benedictine monasteries, as well as the Franciscan Friars of the Renewal. I especially loved the Friars, but when I turned to the Lord in prayer, He was definitely calling me to Saint Vincent. After spending the first half of my spring break with the Friars and the second half at Saint Vincent, I offered it all to the Lord through Archabbot Douglas and entrusted my life into his/His hands. Miraculously, they invited me to apply and I entered Saint Vincent, even though I had only been baptized for about 15 months."

What have been your greatest struggles so far?

Chastity "My first great struggle was giving my broken and bleeding heart to the Lord as I said good-bye to the girl I had fallen in love with just before entering Saint Vincent. That powerful, beautiful, spiritual friendship had made me open up to love in so many critical ways. At the same time, it made the sacrifice of consecrated chastity very real for me. I'm so grateful for her love and how she was willing to give me to the Lord. I'm also deeply grateful for my spiritual director who showed me the beautiful love of Jesus and Mary and gave them to me as a model. "Constant was the love He gave her, though it drove Him from her side, forth to preach and heal and suffer, 'til on Calvary He died." (from the hymn, Sing of Mary)

Obedience "Another great struggle has been the same one that was at the root of my vocation--trusting in the Lord and depending completely on Him. Although I have many ideas about monastic life, campus ministry, prayer, spiritual direction, etc, I have been forced to set them aside at different times and trust in the wisdom, experience and sometimes the direct commands of my superiors. That has caused me great anguish as my heart has been wrenched to let go of my self-will and trust in the Lord's work through Holy Obedience. It has challenged me to see how the only way to heaven is the way of the Cross and, ultimately, the only triumph is the Triumph of Failure."

Spiritual Poverty "Finally, I continue to struggle with the ongoing challenge to live poorly, as I continue to face my weaknesses, my sinfulness and my failures. The sweet voice of Jesus that drew me to monastic life has become more muffled behind the veil of faith and He challenges me to love Him for His sake, and not for my own consolation. I am challenged to be faithful to monastic life, to daily prayer, to fraternal charity, to self-sacrifice and to the few lights I receive from Him. I have to trust that He is changing my heart and sanctifying me even when I don't feel it and I don't know how."

In five words or less explain what it takes to persevere in joining a committed religious life.  "Prayer, prayer, prayer, prayer, prayer."

What are your favorite aspects of being a Benedictine in this particular monastery? "I am so grateful for so many holy brothers, who have loved me as I am and who have also loved me enough to challenge me to change. I am so grateful for their support, for the chance to pray with them and share with them as we stumble along the way to Calvary together. I am also grateful for our apostolates, for the great missionary work we are able to do on college campuses, in forming priests, in parishes and in foreign countries. There is a great zeal here and even greater potential for working in the Lord's harvest. At the same time, it is so important for me to have the structure of a schedule of community and prayer life."

Do you have a concept of what the future may hold for you?  "The only thing I am certain about is that the future will offer me all the opportunities I need in order to become a saint. Presumably, I will have the chance to get a PhD in computer science and then serve Saint Vincent College as a teacher. At the same time, I hope to be engaged in spiritual direction, campus ministry, retreats, weekend missions and other opportunities to exercise my office as an ordained priest. Most importantly, I hope to grow in faith, hope and love through prayer. I have learned how weak and needy I am for having extended periods of time to be alone with the Lord. I am certain that will continue to be the wellspring of grace that I have to offer in whatever ministry the Lord calls me to through my Abbot."